The Huntress
Friday, December 27, 2002
      ( 9:03 PM ) K  
It appears I've decided to kill myself passively, by absolutely draining myself of all reserves and burning myself completely out. All I have to say is thank God the holiday season is finally over. Can we rest now? #



Tuesday, December 24, 2002
      ( 4:22 PM ) K  
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." #



Friday, December 20, 2002
      ( 10:59 PM ) K  




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Uh, me? Soft-spoken? *coughcough* Well, maybe on occasion... All I know is that I saw "Two Towers" tonight and now I'm spoiling for a fight. Grrr...no one around to wrestle with. I gotta try to lose more weight. Hard to do when I know we're going out tomorrow night to the diner again after our shift. *sigh* It's complicated, having a social life and all that. There should be an instruction manual or something. #




Thursday, December 19, 2002
      ( 12:40 PM ) K  


I haven't written in here a great deal, mainly because things at the store have been crazy and I've developed a great fascination with Harry Potter fanfiction. And I suppose the real truth of the matter is that I've nothing left to say. It's rather odd, but I always felt like me coming home was me being meant to reconcile with my past. Instead, I've lost just about every connection with the last twenty years of my life, with the exception of my family. Still haven't heard from Debbie and thanks to Joe's spectacularly insensitive behavior on the 13th, I'm pretty much done with him. Which is not to say that I don't have a social life. Been hanging out with both Dawn and Michelle lately, and a bunch of us did go out for a snack after work one night. So while still very much single & celibate, I am developing new friendships. But I'm rather numb inside. Something I attribute to the holiday season. I think up to last week, I entertained at least a notion of spending some part of the holidays with Joe. Namely New Year's Eve. However, it's become quite clear that the only way he'd hang out with me then, is if everyone else were busy. And I'm quite tired of being his second choice. So maybe I'll toss out the idea to Dawn and see where she runs with it. Dawn actually initiates things with me, a novel experience indeed.


Maybe I just need a big whopping dose of change. Take an extra day off once the holidays are over and ditch this journal for a livejournal, cut my hair and finally, finally, get my room in shape. I'm really longing for that cable modem. *sigh* The sad thing is that the only obstacle I'm really facing is myself. #



Tuesday, December 17, 2002
      ( 4:25 PM ) K  
i don't wanna go to work. bleah. #



Friday, December 13, 2002
      ( 5:20 PM ) K  


As crazy as work can be lately, it's also a great distracter. It's been a year today since I got my brand new scars and I was dwelling on it last night. However, after 8.5 hours, I'm feeling rather energized. My muscles ache, but I'm feeling alive. Which, I suppose, is a good thing. Sometimes I have my doubts. I baked yesterday and my chocolate chip cookies went over very well. I brought in 29 cookies, and they were gone before noon. Plus it's another employee weekend and I bought loads of stuff. Ooo, and I made sauce yesterday. A wee bit too much pepper, but still quite good. Anyways, I'm taping an eppy of Buffy off the TIVO and then I want to peruse the books I bought. Maybe make myself a pizza bagel with my sauce. No more for now, I'm crashing. Later all. #



Tuesday, December 10, 2002
      ( 4:58 PM ) K  


Okay, okay, I'm here, I'm here. Geez, my life's been so busy lately. And whenever I do get internet time, I mainly spend it reading Draco/Ginny fanfiction. *sigh* I know, I know, I'm sad and pathetic. So what did I do today? Well...I went to the grocery store and got the fixings for homemade tomato sauce and chocolate chip cookies. I also mailed out two of the three Christmas present bearing packages. In about an hour & a half, I'll be heading to the store, because there's a signing tonight and I wanted to get the book autographed for my grandfather for Christmas. Plus there's another employee weekend coming up and I felt this would be a good way to spend more money I don't have.


So what did I do over the last two weeks? Well, Dawn, the older sister of Kelly, Scott's boyfriend, started working at Borders as a temp. We went to high school together and she also says we had a class together, but while I remember her, I don't remember the class. In addition to Dawn popping up, my second cousin, Abby, who I also went to high school with, has obtained a position as a music-seller at the store. So now there's five of us Clarke graduates working there.


Mom just called. She needs me to pick her up from work. Her Saturn had a flat and I had to pick the tire up today as well. So even though the tire's back on the car, Scott still can't pick her up, because auditions are this week for the next play. In related car news, the Lumina is, as Mom puts it, "past the point where it can be fixed." Basically, the Smith family has wrung out every drop of usability in the car and now we (rather, my parents) must go searching for a replacement.


Joe did not call me over Thanksgiving because, once again, he left his address book in his dorm room. That I believe, because I know how many times he's done it before. There were a couple of times I had to remind him of numbers. I can understand him not remembering the house number anymore, because it's been ages since he's called it. Of course, there was a brief period where I wondered why I didn't rate a slot in his cell phone...hell, there was a period where I questioned a lot of things. Joe has the remarkable ability to throw me into emotional turmoil, just by the things he doesn't do. This particular period of questioning was sparked by the way he didn't explain a certain incident that happened just before thanksgiving. Naturally, I asked him to explain, but I gave up after the sixth, "I dunno." I kid you not. It went something like this. Me: "Why did you ask me that?" Him: "I dunno." Occasionally, he tacked on my name to give his end of the conversation some variety. Me: "What do you mean?" Him: "I dunno, Kristin." I don't even start these conversations anymore. It's always Joe who initiates them and then conks out when it's his turn to be honest. It's totally and completely not fair and made me think all kinds of things I didn't want to think.


Other frustrating friend news: I have yet to hear from Debbie. While I did eventually cave and call Joe, I have not called her, because she should certainly know my phone number. Besides, the reason I called Joe was because I wanted to know definitely whether or not we were going to see each other, since I made tentative plans with a co-worker. Michelle and I did end up going out, and we've gone out a couple times since. She's nearly nine years older than me, but for the most part, we really click. Dawn and I also went out for dinner yesterday after our shift. Still no good guy news though. It's like working in a convent. *sigh* I miss men. Well, I miss the intimacy in being involved with a guy and I miss...other stuff. Yeah.


Well, this is the general recap of what's been going on. Not much to my life at the moment. Have to sign off now to go pick up mum. Later all. #



Sunday, December 08, 2002
      ( 9:05 PM ) K  


Oy, it's been so long since I've written in here. Can't write in here now. Things have been incredibly busy at the store and every shift involves hyperspeed. I'm off on Tuesday and I'll try to write a decent entry then. Not that anyone ever reads this, but I think I could use the venting opportunity. #



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